Assessing the Holiday Ups and Downs

This holiday season man....it was a doozy.

You ever start out totally gung ho in November and then when November sucks down the drain quicker than you can blink, it's December and you start freaking out because there is so much you need/want to fit in? 

What was weird about this year is the ups were accompanied with downs or at least downer elements.

I entertained family so they could get out of the usual chaotic setting and really busted my butt to make a nice dinner/dessert but I could tell they weren't digging what I made which made all of the exhaustion that I put on my Virgo self feel like it wasn't appreciated.  It wasn't until 3 weeks later that I was told they both enjoyed being out of the usual setting and had a good time.  So it felt nice to be acknowledged but I will think twice about going to the kind of trouble and expense I did.  I think they'd be just as happy out to dinner and I wouldn't have to kill myself getting ready and putting all of the touches I like.  But the Mr and I did have a nice time afterward looking at Christmas lights.

I love baking and this year put that love to the test because I did it six times.   I know the few I truly enjoy doing it for appreciated it.  (Woodsy!)  Because I'm a dork, I didn't think to batch bake cookies with like baking times until the last two times I did it.  (Like all 350 degree cookies in the bottom oven on three sheets and the two 375 degree recipes in the top oven on the commercial size sheet.)  I would've been done in like 90 minutes over 4 hours.  Planning has got to be key and I've got notes down for the future which probably won't be this year since we're out of town over the holidays.

Holiday gatherings started on a good note with Thanksgiving being the best and most having people pretty jolly, the second gathering being a little less enthusiastic but still good and Christmas being so so but reminding us why we won't be here for it this year which already brings down my stress levels.  I was appreciative of the good times we had and disappointed people couldn't keep their issues to themselves on the day it counts most.  I have to accept that they have their way to deal with certain things and I will deal with it in a way that brings me peace to enjoy the season.

Another thing I have to accept is that Grandma is coming to the end of her time on this Earth and it was never more apparent than Christmas Day.  Anyone who has ever been touched by dementia (or any terminal disease) knows that there comes a point where you pray for them to go peacefully in the night so that their suffering is over.  I said my goodbyes about 2 years ago and at this point, all I want is two or three sentimental things and I'm done.  If there is anything good that can come from her situation it's that the Mr and I had a lot of talks about what we do and don't want should we ever find ourselves in the same God awful position.

We had my best friend visit and it was the first time I've seen her in about 18 months.  We had a lot of time to gripe about each others crap, talk about the things that are going good, commiserate over Star Wars stuff, open gifts and eat a good meal together.  It was a perfect visit and the only downer was the time warp that meant it was time for her to go too soon.

I had a reunion with family I hadn't seen in years, some in over 30 years.  I will do a separate post on this but I was also reminded why I don't see some of them...ever.  You ever see family members and think "if I didn't look like them, I would swear I'm adopted." 

I really hated feeling by the time Christmas rolled around that I was just too exhausted to feel a whole lot of holiday spirit.  On the upside, I was very happy to see the Mr was surprised to get his R2D2 that Santa got him.  That little bastard cost what our entire budget usually is for each other but he's done so much to help me on the work end of things, I try to make sure he knows his work is appreciated.  I also told him not to get used to the extravagance.  LOL  But watching him roll him around the house and call him "buddy" and smile and say he truly felt like a kid at Christmas again was worth it.

A weather "up" was getting some snow.  We got a spit on Christmas Eve and I don't think we qualified as a true white Christmas but I'll take what I can get.  We've gotten a few inches since the holiday but just enough that there isn't a snowshoe base and if there is,  it's like 5 out there and too dangerous to do it.

I saved up a gift certificate I had to try this vibroacoustic therapy I'd been hearing about for the 29th.  It was with the same lady I had this other therapy with for one session and she's a talker.  I made it pretty clear as we were heading down that I had a stressful holiday season and was looking forward to laying back and totally relaxing.  She saw fit to start her yammering about keto, going to the gym, her boob rash that has been improved with dry brushing and her insurance...for 30 effing minutes.  Finally I said "I'm just warning you, I can feel myself slipping so don't be surprised if I don't answer you" and she's like "I can be quiet now."  Okay, why do you need to be in there with me at all??  It was very relaxing once she shut her keto hole but since she insists on being present for that stuff, I doubt I'll do it again.  Just go listen to Liquid Mind or Yellow Brick Cinema on YouTube and you'll get the same effect mentally.

My other work stuff got a major boost just before the holiday and now all of the work-aheads I did are coming to an end.  I have no choice but to get back to full steam ahead and I suppose that has always lingered in my head all holiday season,  Anyone who is self employed knows that you really never have time off and a "normal" workday is a thing of the past.  It can be the hardest job with the longest hours you've ever had for the least amount of money.  (I'm typing this on NYE which is on a Sunday and many have the day off and yes, I worked Christmas Day too here and there.)  Your mind is always thinking on ways to get ahead and though I've bought some blogging and YouTubey kind of classes, finding ways to fit it in and not lose my mind has proven challenging.  It's also funny how when you're self employed because you're not in a cubical, it's not a "real" job.  I had to empathize when I watched some movie about a writer and he was with his family on Christmas and they were wowed over his recipe and he said "hello, it was in my book."  They all looked at each other and they're like "yeah, none of us reads your books."  

For me the biggest down was failing miserably on the food front.  We haven't weighed in for 2 weeks because our distended bellies are enough to tell us that it's bad.  I have been emotionally eating my way through the downs so starting the 22nd, I just said screw it.  The ONLY thing to stop it from going totally off the rails is we did make sure we exercised every day.  It didn't make a huge dent because as they say, you can't out exercise a bad diet.  Now, we're like everyone else in the diet boat.  I'm tired of feeling full and disgusting all the time.  Sigh.

What were some of your holiday season highs and lows?

====================
Like this post? Don't miss another one...subscribe via email or RSS feed. (Or you can follow me on Facebook )